Scintillectually Yours

Okay folks, I am WAY behind on my reviews. I’ve got toys, books, and videos piled up and just waiting for me to get on the stick and write them all up. Sadly, I’m also behind on my deadlines for my *REAL* job, as well, but I’ll do my best to get these babies cranked out.

Speaking of behind (ahem), who doesn’t already know that I just adore buttsecks? True, very true. I do have a slight passion for anal (caveat: DPR and I recently attempted this with her rather girthy cock, normally not an issue, but it seems I was recovering from the start of an anal fissure  just inside my rectum. I don’t recommend this as a way to avoid surgery, but let’s just say that a week later I still fear the toilet). Even so, I’ve never given my little pleasure hole the respect she deserves when masturbating; so when Christina at TabuToys offered me the Handmaiden Anal Dildo for solo review, I was a little bemused. But hey, being trysexual, I greedily accepted the challenge.

The toy itself is a treat to behold. It’s ergonomically designed for solo-friendly use. You hold the base in your hand and tuck your fingers into the handle to guide this baby in at just the right angle. (Note: make sure you have LOTS of lube on hand.) The material, platinum-cured silicone, feels fantastic. It’s made for power play so you can be as rough as you want and this sweet Handmaiden will play right along with you. At 5″ x 1.25″ she isn’t for beginners but, hey, it’s not the size of a forearm either!

I have to admit that I had a little trouble getting her in at first but then again, I’m working around that C-section/hysterectomy pouch (you know,, the one I plan to install a zipper in?). Sometimes I think they need to take us slightly more zaftig girls into consideration. Anyhoo, once in, I had a lovely time of it, with DPR on the phone with me the whole time (LOVE these long-distance sex sessions). I told her everything I was feeling and how I felt about it, right down to the fact that I, personally, am not that fond of the ridges in the tip. Others might really enjoy the extra sensation, but they began to annoy me. Maybe the lube was wearing thin. I wasn’t using my usual Astroglide… or would that be Ass-troglide in this case?

I’d really like to try some of the other Handmaiden toys. I understand they have a lovely G-spot stimulator that looks similar to the anal dildo. I don’t know how often I’ll be using this one on my own but next time DPR and I are together, I’ll have to remember to pull the Handmaiden out of her lovely silver satin pouch and put her to better use.

Because I needed a little extra (clitoral) stimulation to get to the center of the tootsie pop, I’m giving the Handmaiden Anal Dildo an enthusiastic Ohhhh! Bottoms’s up!

Oh. Oh…uh huh… Ohhhh! Oh yeah, baby! YES! YES! YES!

Product Specifications:

•  100% medical-grade, platinum-cured silicone

• 5” by 1.25” textured shaft

• Phthalate and latex-free

While TabuToys does not pay me for my honest opinions, I do get to keep everything I review.

It’s the perfect cock

I’m not kidding. DPR and I have been on the lookout for a replacement for the Cybercock we bought during her second trip here and my dear friend, John, at Pervalicious.com volunteered to send me the Vixskin Bandit to try out. I’ll just tell you this right now. There is no need to try any other realistic dildo and with a lifetime warranty, I hope I never have to!

If you have never had any experience with Vixskin products (from Vixen Creations), let me extol the many virtues. It feels much like the real thing (and yeah, you’re gonna say “you’re a dyke, how would you know?” Trust me, sweetheart, been there, done that, have many nasty stains on many a t-shirt.); it is much firmer than cyberskin (which, incidentally, tends to tear at the base if you suck too hard or have overactive PC muscles) but has a wonderful soft, flexible outer “skin.”

Okay, I’m a bit of a size queen so I tend to go for larger rather than smaller, but no so large that I end up puncturing a lung every time we have sex. The Bandit is perfect for me at 7 1/2″ x 1 5/8″. Pervalicious.com does carry a wide variety of lengths and widths, both with and without balls—all of which are perfect for harnesses with O-rings. I will say that the Bandit, while much easier to control during intercourse (both vaginally and anally), has some drawbacks when it comes to oral sex. The Cybercock is extremely flexible and just begs to be taken into your mouth. You really need some control over your gag reflex if you are going to deep-throat the Bandit. Also, because it is made of silicone, it tends to squeak a bit against the teeth and if you are easily distracted (as I am) you might need to work a bit harder to avoid the teeth-against-the-head action.

If you are looking for a truly perfect, realistic dildo, look no further. The Vixskin line (and the Bandit, in particular) is the perfect cock. It is boilable, wearable, controllable, and comfortable. At around $100 each (depending on size), it may seem a little pricey. Trust me, worth every penny and then some. Unless you throw this baby under a bus or hand it to your Rottweiller as a chew toy, you will never need to buy another. So…what are you waiting for?

The Bandit? He gets a very enthusiastic YES! YES! YES!

Oh.  Oh…uh huh… Ohhhh! Oh yeah, baby! YES! YES! YES!

Pervalicious.com does not pay me for my honest opinions but I do get to keep the products I am sent for review.

When I first received Don Wand’s Glass Candy Cane from Tabu Toys for review, I really thought of it as a novelty item. I imagined testing it out once and then hanging it on my Christmas tree to giggle about it’s origins (and it’s most recent foray into bodily orifices) every time someone picked it up to admire it. I was proven, however, truly wrong when I finally did get around to playing with it.

First of all, it is extremely beautiful. It arrived with its own thickly padded pink velvety-textured drawstring bag and a small sample of Wet Platinum Premium Body Glide lubricant. The Candy Cane, which is made of borosilicate glass, is hefty. This is no small dildo. Its length is not for the faint of heart and it has just enough girth to it. The design itself, is intricate and it does seem a shame not to use it as a holiday decoration!

Unfortunately, I had to go solo on this one. It just seems a little awkward to ask a casual date to participate in what amounts to an erotic science experiment. The glass is temperature adjustable by soaking it in either cold or hot water prior to use. Temperature adjustable is an understatement indeed!

Tabu Toys thoughtfully provided me with a small bottle of Pjur Original Bodyglide . It was my first time using this lubricant and a little truly does go a long way. The cold glass felt deliciously smooth and tantalizing. Upon inserting it into my vagina, I realized that sucker heats up fast! My own body heat made the wand itself unbelievably hot, while the tip of the candy cane rested ice cold against my clitoris. Now I started to believe that this baby had to be taken seriously! While the curved part was made to fit my own anatomy perfectly for a little clit play, it did not, sadly, fit into my anus when turned around the other way. Although it teasingly touched, I was already up to the hilt of the 8″ wand.

It is no great secret that I’ve been on the search for the perfect g-spot vibrator so when I read that the curved end could be used for g-spot (or prostate) action, I had to get in on it. Or get it in on it, as it were. Oh, hell yeah. You don’t need an anatomy course to hit that magic spot! Although I never actually got to the waterworks, I imagine that, with a partner, this sweet treat could be a truly powerful playmate. The only drawback for me was trying to remove said curve. It was lodged firmly behind my pelvic bone and refused to budge. For a few moments I lay there, panicked, thinking of the scenario that would ensue if I had to call the paramedics for assistance! After some rather uncomfortable contortions and maneuvers, along with a great sigh of relief, I was able to withdraw it.

After much consideration, and the fact that the Candy Cane will now be part of my permanent toy collection, I am giving this beauty an Ohhh! If nothing else, the Don Wands Glass Candy Cane makes the perfect stocking stuff-her!

Product details:

• Made from nonporous borosilicate glass that will not degrade over time.

• Clean with soap and water.

• Hypoallergenic

• Store in protective, padded pouch.

Oh.   Oh…uh huh… Ohhhh! Oh yeah, baby!    YES! YES! YES!

This item was provided by Tabu Toys for my honest opinions. I am not paid for my reviews but I do get to keep the products.