Scintillectually Yours

It’s Tuesday and you know what that means: too much fucking information! Or…too fucking much information. Whatever. Anyhoo…the original version of this week’s meme can be found (along with the video answers by Dan Savage) at Professor Fate’s TMI Tuesday blog. Evidently, material is running low, so if you have any questions of your own you’d like answered, please e-mail them to prince[dot]hapnik[at]gmail[dot]com.

1. What are your thoughts on Polyamorous Relationships?
They are unbelievably fucking difficult (fucking seems to be the optimal word of the day, just go with it). Until I met HTB (who is no longer HTB but I can’t decide what to call him now. I’m sure I have some friends who would have some suggestions but since I happen to love the guy, I’m not willing to dub him “asshole” nor have to use that word liberally in my blog. Where was I? Oh yeah…) I had NEVER been in a monogamous relationship. Even in college I was sharing a bed with my then boyfriend and whichever girlfriend I happened to have. I lived in a trilationship with two women for two years. THAT sucked. I mean, we had fun together. We all shared a king-sized bed, a house, pets…but trying to deal with jealousy, insecurity, being the odd woman out on those predetermined nights of one-on-one time? Trying to get it up for one-on-one time since it WAS predetermined? Yeah, sucked. Hats off to anyone who can do it. Maybe NOT living together is the answer. I don’t know. What I do know (and this has been a serious tangential rambling) is that I doubt I will ever be poly again. Date more than one person? Maybe. Even that is stressful at my age (45, not 95, but that suddenly sounded as though I have one foot in the grave already). Hell, I just “want somebody to love, I…want somebody to love, I…” So sayeth Freddie Mercury.

2. What is on your list of relationship “deal breakers”?
I think we did this one a couple of weeks ago. Or, wait, that was the list of deal breakers that won’t get you a second date (and I’ve learned that I have many new deal breakers there but that’s not the question, is it?). Relationships…used to be that I really could tolerate a lot, probably because I got whatever I wanted so I made certain concessions where my partner(s) was concerned. I found a big one when I discovered a woman I let move in with me and take care of my kid while I was at work was an active junkie (heroin? Oxycontin?). For four months I never understood why she blacked out all the time but didn’t drink (see, I was only used to living with alcoholics). I threw her AND her kid (who came to live with us after Junkie got fired for sleeping on the job, go figure) out on Christmas day when I finally got clued in and fed up. Also…separate relationship…when the police get called in at 3 a.m. because they got a drunken call that I might be an axe murderer who has stuffed my fiance in the freezer? Definite deal breaker. Joke or no joke. Next.

3. How long did it take you you to find the type “you are into” and/or accept it?
As you can see from Question #2, I definitely have a “type.” And it isn’t necessarily that healthy. I am heavily attracted to seriously butch bois (or…well…FTMs now, but I didn’t know that when we met) with seriously cocky attitudes. Usually this goes hand-in-hand with some kind of addiction. Hence, the fact that my life is NEVER without its fair share of drama. I love passion, intensity, tattoos, biceps, a really good fuck, and…oh wait, I’m getting off-topic here. I’ve just recently come to accept it. I tried the *nice* route. The type of person who I *thought* should be my partner. Turns out…not so much. I still love my bad boy. Only, he’s kind of cleaned up his act…and that’s okay…he’s still a really good fuck.

4. What is your view on full disclosure about past relationships? (Lies of omission not lies of commission)
I don’t necessarily want to hear about your past relationships. For some reason, it’s begun to sound like bragging rights or I feel as though I’m being compared to women past. I say I’m not a jealous human being, but truth is? I am. I think I am the be-all and end-all as the woman you’d want in your life. Yes, I have that cocky streak, too. So why the fuck should you even remember your past relationships now that you’ve got me? Bwahahahaaaaaaaaaaa! Okay, really, they are over, done with, shut the fuck up about it and move on already.

5. Have you ever been in a situation where you were not comfortable complying with the adventurous request of a lover?
Once. If you dig into my past MFMs you’ll find one about fear. Here’s some TMI for you: I have been raped more than once. And when it happens as an adult, in a relationship, and you think you fucking know better? Not so great. And all because I couldn’t bring myself to slap her in the face. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a baseball bat and a few minutes alone with that cunt now.

via visualizeus

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days.

Did you miss Pleasurists #53? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #55? Submit it here before Sunday November 22nd at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Jimmyjane Massage Candle Giveaway Deadline: November 17th @ 5pm Eastern.
• Happy Blogiversary to Me Contest! Deadline: November 18th.
• The Big, Bad, Banner Contest – win some Njoy! Deadline: November 21 @ 11:59 pm.
• Gender Carnival! Deadline: November 21st @ midnight Eastern.
• ToyDemon.com Gift Certificate Giveaway Deadline: November 30th @ noon Eastern.
• The S Spot Sexy Short Story Contest! Deadline: November 30th.
• Luxury Sex Toy Scavenger Hunt Deadline: December 12th @ midnight Pacific.
• Tons of Glass Contest! Deadline: December 27th @ 11:59 Eastern.

Editor
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Editor’s Pick

• LELO Ella by Victoria

• People may have no idea just how much pleasure and perfect g-spot stimulation that unassuming hunk of silicone provides. (Those fools!)
  Also, you may want to use Ella as a pretend phone, or let your other toys argue with your cats about it. Just a little suggestion of my own.

  Note: While there were many wonderful reviews this week and the EP was a difficult choice I was won over by the wonderfully amusing and fantastic pictures that accompany this review. Talk bubbles, kitties, and attempts to use a sex toy as a phone (among other amusing antics) set the review apart while the text gives you more of the usual toy information. I love it.

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Evolved Flutter by Beautiful Dreamer
• Thumbelina by N
• The Eroscillator by Shay
• Classic 7 Function Monkey by Amanda
• The Wave by Amorous Rocker
• Papaya Toys Candy Stick by Ashley
• Vibratex Mystic Wand by EffinSara
• i10 Dancer Salsa by Amy

Dildos

• The Vamp by Beautiful Dreamer
• Candy Colored Glass Dildo by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Don Wands Candy Cane by Scintillectual
• The Vamp by Amber of DivergentDance
• Tantus G-Force Wand by Toygirl

Anal Toys

• Amber Plug by Cinnamon
• Crystal Chic Wand by True Pleasures
• Tantus Little Flirt by EffinSara

Toys for Cocks

• SuccuDry Masturbation Sleeve by Shay

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Intimate Organics Cleansing Gel and Body Souffle by Wilhelmina Wang
• System JO Anal Silicone Lube by ScottA
• Strawberry Shortcake Body Butter by Eliot Bodem
• B-Warm Massage Candle by Eliot Bodem
• Babeland Massage Bar by Shay
• Dr. Love Silkening Lube by Carrie Ann
• Earthly Body Massage and Body Oil by Sexorcism
• Intimate Organics Foot Foreplay Lotion by Carrie Ann

BDSM/Fetish

• Heart Lock Collar by Mistress Kay
• Chrome and Leather Crop by Undressed Reviews
• Alligator Nipple Clamps by Wendy Blackheart
• Leatherbeaten Dragon Silk Wrist Restraints by Laruel

Adult Books/Games

• Best of thee Best Women’s Erotica by Amber of DivergentDance
• Truth or Dare by Beautiful Dreamer
• Truth or Dare: A Game of Passion by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew

Adult Movies/Porn

• Courtney Trouble’s Seven Minutes in Heaven by Beautiful Dreamer
• Midori’s Guide to Sensual Bondage by Beautiful Dreamer
• Manuel Ferrara Does Them All! Vol. 2 – Disc One by The Porn Librarian
• Ultra Flesh by FrzKey
• Queer Manor by J.D. Bauchery
• Love On the Highway by The Porn Librarian
• Belladonna’s Strapped Dykes (Disc 1) Scene 1 by J.D. Bauchery
• The 8th Day by Eliot Bodem

Lingerie

• Liberator Personal Secretary by Sinclair Sexsmith
• Darque Nurse by Beautiful Dreamer
• Coquette Polka-dot Mesh Corset by Sleeping Dreamer
• Bondage Bettie by True Pleasures

Storage

• Tunti Illuminating Boudoir Toybox by Undressed Reviews

Miscellaneous

• Pjur Med Clean by Undressed Reviews
• Talking Sheep Love Doll by Tales From the Porn Store
• JimmyJane Indulgences Set by Sammi

Ang, our dear Sweltering Celt, was right when she said that the past week has been stressful. The coming week looks to be ever-so-much worse without a moment to breathe. In the meantime, it’s 5 a.m. and I’m “game” to offer up a MicroFantasy Monday post. Enjoy!

She began at his neck. Her full lips working their way south. Her hands running the length of his rock-hard biceps. She straddled him, black silicone hard between her legs, inviting further exploration. Her mouth and fingers trailed their way down his chest, carefully avoiding the “no-fly zone.” That place that, while touch would ultimately be welcomed, was now simply a painful reminder of the body that betrayed. She found the trail of curls that led downward, disappearing into the softest black leather harness. Her fingertips grazed the head of his cock lightly, as she positioned her body farther down between his sinewy legs. Her tongue darted out to tease and run the length of his shaft. Her mouth poised to engulf him, eliciting a soft groan and a twitch of his stomach muscles as he watched her. The air, rich with promise, thick with passion, was suddenly rent by a loud buzzing. She popped up and hit the timer.

“My turn!” she grinned and handed him the dice.

A white tank top. A hot shower. These are the pieces of me….

*CLICK*

Be sure to hit up Osbasso for all of the yummy HNT goodness.

I love watching you watching me.

Speeding down 495 I had butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of my plans. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it. I collected my cool while you were in the shower. Sat in your swivel chair, legs crossed, black pencil skirt riding high, white shirt open just enough. I knew you’d like it. And you did. I kept pushing you away your hands kept straying under my skirt. Wanting it now. Impatient. But I had promised to torture you and however silly I felt I wanted to do this slowly.

I love watching you watching me.

Feeling Love by Paula Cole. That song makes me wet whenever I hear it.

“You make me feel like a candy apple
All red and horny
You make me feel like I wanna be a dumb blonde
In a centerfold, the girl next door
And I would open the door and…
I’d be all wet
With my tits soaking through this tiny little t-shirt…
That I’m wearing
And you would open the door and tie…
Me up to the bed…”

I can’t help but move to that music. That rhythm gets under my skin, crawls between my thighs, I’m oblivious to everything but you, your unwavering gaze, your leg twitching from anxiousness to get to me. You make me know I’m sex itself. You bring out the absolute whore in me. I want to be everywhere at once. Everything you’ve ever dreamed of doing you can do to me. With me. I am yours and yours alone.

When I come near you, intending to prolong this prelude, I find I can’t. I need your mouth on my mouth, your hands on my body, my nails down your back. Those arms. Oh God those arms. When we hit the floor and you rip off my heels and my thigh high stockings and that black lace thong my brain goes numb and all I know is you and your touch and your kisses and your tongue on my clit and my fucking hell I’m coming already and I feel like an 18 year old boy who blows his load before he even gets his pants off.

You do that to me. You make me come in wave after wave after wave. Always coming. So fast and so hard and I’ve lost all powers of speech I’m just one moan after another because you feel so fucking good inside me. The way my eyes close instantly and against my will and my back arches involuntarily the minute you put your fingers inside me. Whatever you do you do it well. Two, then three, four and I’m aching for it all. That sting and burn as I breathe my way through the widest part of your hand and the exquisite warmth as you curl inside me and rock against that spot that drives me. Drive me.

And I love watching you watching me.

You kiss me so long and with such passion that my lips are swollen and bruised. I love kissing you. You have these lips that were just made for mine. Like you’ve been waiting for my lips to fit perfectly with yours. Your tongue playing in my mouth. You don’t always know that I watch you when we kiss. I like to see you. And sometimes I just close my eyes and lose myself within those endless kisses. I love that you kiss me constantly. When we make love you keep those lips on mine and it feels that much more intimate. That much more sacred. I want to lose myself inside you. Deep into your mouth, our lips hard against each other. The way we want each other is like a hunger that can’t be sated.

I move down the bed and push you away. Run my hands down my own body over my breasts up and down my thighs across my stomach finally reaching into my pussy you can’t take your eyes off me and your breathing is heavy with frustration.

I love watching you watching me.

I can never last long this way. I want you too badly. I’d like to tease you, taunt you, make you want me more than you’ve ever wanted anyone or anything in your life but it isn’t my hands I want down there. You watch me lick my fingers slick with the wetness that you bring me to in a never ending flow. Always wet. Always hard. Always swollen open ready willing able.

The stamina and flexibility, the tangle we get ourselves into is amazing. The fact that six or seven hours goes by and it feels like mere minutes. It’s never enough. I can’t get enough. I want you all the time. In me on me around me fuck me suck me spank me – yes you hit me hard and leave deliciously burning welts on my ass and you know I’m dripping from the pleasure that mixes so well with the pain. And when I can’t take it any more I need you inside me. Your cock, so hard. You fuck me like no one before and no one again. When I straddle you and lean back, my back arched and my head dropping behind me I know you are watching me and I know how much it turns you on.

And I love watching you watching me.

When we finally have to sleep I curl up in a ball on top of you, my head tucked into your shoulder, your arms, God those arms, underneath me. And when I wake up, the early morning sun streaming into the window. I look over at you…

And I love watching you watching me.

And so it begins again. And again. And again.

From Vixen: In honor of Coquitten making #1, this weeks TMI is from her 100th post!~

1. I lost my virginity at 18, in the back of a car, on prom night. Where and when did you lose yours?
This isn’t a great story. I didn’t lose my virginity by choice. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?

2. I think my ass is my best sexual feature. What is yours?
I love my breasts. Truly. I’m going to be 45 in a few weeks and they are better, bigger, perkier, and bouncier than ever. I have fabulous cleavage. Did I say I love my breasts? I do. I love them.

3. A recurring theme in my fantasies is being slammed up against the wall. Do you have a recurring fantasy or a theme to your fantasies?
I have some control scenarios. But I am the one in control. Like being a principal or the CEO of a major corporation and getting to do totally naughty, slutty, nasty things to people and they do it just because they want to keep their jobs. Heh.

4. I love watching guys masturbate. Do you enjoy watching others (a partner or a stranger) masturbate?
Oh hell yes. One of my favorite memories that still gets me off was asking HTB (during a sex board game we were playing) to jack off for me. I got so fucking hot. Wow…the thought still works!

5. I hate when guys are quiet in bed. I like to hear you moaning as you cum. Do you like you partners quiet?
I’m loud enough for both of us. I like some dirty talk but I really can’t stand to be talked to the entire time. Sometimes I just want to say “shut up and fuck me already!”

Are you quiet?
yeah…see above.

6. I love playing with nipples. Do you having your nipples played with?
I used to hate it. They never responded. My sensation level has heightened considerably. I love having someone flick their tongue over them really quickly. Mmmm….

7. My ‘number’ is between 15 and 25. What is your ‘number’?
I lost count a very long time ago. Yes, I am a slut.

A day late and deliciously short. Thank you to our dear Ang, the Sweltering Celt, who challenges us to stretch our creative muscles with this week’s theme of “Hot and Cold.”

She sat in a straight-backed chair at the end of the bed. I had told her not to move. Not that she would have anyway. Her eyes were riveted to my hand. I watched her closely as I gripped a spindle of the headboard with my left hand and my right trailed its way down the length of my body. Languidly through my hair which was damp from the humidity in the room. Slowly down my neck and throat, my fingernails grazing my flesh ever-so-lightly, making red welts appear angry against my pale skin. Pulling taut on my nipple, hardened by the air current from the turning fan overhead. I saw her chest rise and fall heavily, a small moan escape her lips as she watched my hand move down, following the trail of a single bead of sweat as it made its way from my breast to pool in my belly button, glistening next to the piercing adorned with a single jewel. She seemed antsy, shifting on her chair, moving subtly forward as I parted my legs wide and my hand reached…reached…reached…

She held her breath. I paused for one second. She moved closer in her chair, mouth open, her own hand involuntarily reaching toward me.

I slammed my legs shut, swung myself off the bed, grabbed my robe, and left the room.

I could hear, just behind me, the chair fall back and hit the floor as she started down the hall after me. “You fucking cold-hearted bitch!”

I laughed, delighted. Indeed…indeed.

When I first received Don Wand’s Glass Candy Cane from Tabu Toys for review, I really thought of it as a novelty item. I imagined testing it out once and then hanging it on my Christmas tree to giggle about it’s origins (and it’s most recent foray into bodily orifices) every time someone picked it up to admire it. I was proven, however, truly wrong when I finally did get around to playing with it.

First of all, it is extremely beautiful. It arrived with its own thickly padded pink velvety-textured drawstring bag and a small sample of Wet Platinum Premium Body Glide lubricant. The Candy Cane, which is made of borosilicate glass, is hefty. This is no small dildo. Its length is not for the faint of heart and it has just enough girth to it. The design itself, is intricate and it does seem a shame not to use it as a holiday decoration!

Unfortunately, I had to go solo on this one. It just seems a little awkward to ask a casual date to participate in what amounts to an erotic science experiment. The glass is temperature adjustable by soaking it in either cold or hot water prior to use. Temperature adjustable is an understatement indeed!

Tabu Toys thoughtfully provided me with a small bottle of Pjur Original Bodyglide . It was my first time using this lubricant and a little truly does go a long way. The cold glass felt deliciously smooth and tantalizing. Upon inserting it into my vagina, I realized that sucker heats up fast! My own body heat made the wand itself unbelievably hot, while the tip of the candy cane rested ice cold against my clitoris. Now I started to believe that this baby had to be taken seriously! While the curved part was made to fit my own anatomy perfectly for a little clit play, it did not, sadly, fit into my anus when turned around the other way. Although it teasingly touched, I was already up to the hilt of the 8″ wand.

It is no great secret that I’ve been on the search for the perfect g-spot vibrator so when I read that the curved end could be used for g-spot (or prostate) action, I had to get in on it. Or get it in on it, as it were. Oh, hell yeah. You don’t need an anatomy course to hit that magic spot! Although I never actually got to the waterworks, I imagine that, with a partner, this sweet treat could be a truly powerful playmate. The only drawback for me was trying to remove said curve. It was lodged firmly behind my pelvic bone and refused to budge. For a few moments I lay there, panicked, thinking of the scenario that would ensue if I had to call the paramedics for assistance! After some rather uncomfortable contortions and maneuvers, along with a great sigh of relief, I was able to withdraw it.

After much consideration, and the fact that the Candy Cane will now be part of my permanent toy collection, I am giving this beauty an Ohhh! If nothing else, the Don Wands Glass Candy Cane makes the perfect stocking stuff-her!

Product details:

• Made from nonporous borosilicate glass that will not degrade over time.

• Clean with soap and water.

• Hypoallergenic

• Store in protective, padded pouch.

Oh.   Oh…uh huh… Ohhhh! Oh yeah, baby!    YES! YES! YES!

This item was provided by Tabu Toys for my honest opinions. I am not paid for my reviews but I do get to keep the products.

An oncoming head cold sent me to bed early last night without the energy to come up with a new HNT series for this week. I decided to re-post this older shot…taken in the Spring just after HTB left me. In fact, it was just a few days and I was heavily into my mourning period. Now, I think it’s rather poignant. The memory of being that utterly bereft  are fading. Life has moved on…I’ve moved on. I hope never to be cornered by grief again, but one never knows. In the meantime, I’m dancing free. Be sure to visit other, hopefully happier, HNTs, at Osbasso’s.

 

 

I’m dashing up Commercial Street in the pouring rain. A chill April thunderstorm soaks my previously meticulous hair and makeup and I’m cursing the whole way. It’s hard to dash in 3” heels, particularly when there are no sidewalks. Provincetown tourist season is starting again and the only parking to be found was in the back of the wharf. Of course your room has to be near the boatslip. Not that far but fuck it seems like an eternity before I finally get there. My black rubber trench coat is dripping and the frayed edges of my flares are sopping wet. I don’t even want to know what I look like. Thank God for waterproof mascara and eyeliner.

You open the door and even though I feel as though I’ve known you forever we’ve never laid eyes on each other in person. You can’t help but break out in a shit-eating grin at my appearance. Evidently, I’m more drowned rat than dewy eyed temptress. “Hi,” I’m sheepish, embarrassed, dripping all over the carpet. Great first impression and very cool opening line. Not.

“Hi.” Leaning against the door jamb and allowing me very little room to maneuver into the room, you look amazing. But I had no doubts about that. “Can I offer you something? Drink? Towel? Hot shower?” I’ll start with the towel and try not to jump all over the hot shower just yet. You bring a big, fluffy white towel out of the bathroom and I try to find someplace inconspicuous to put my wet belongings. I flip my head over and scrub my hair. Now I’m sure I look like Adam Ant. You reach out and run your fingers through it and I reach up and grab your hands. I’ve wanted this from the moment I first saw your photos. First talked to you. I put your finger in my mouth and closing my eyes I slide it very slowly in and out. All the way in. All the way out. I open my eyes and your face is so close to me. I put my finger in your mouth and press my rain drenched lips over your mouth and my finger.

My knees buckle and the next thing I know we’re on the floor. Kneeling and fairly frantically working to take each other’s clothes off. The hunger I’ve felt for you has become starvation and I feel as if I’ll die if I don’t taste you now. Our mouths and hands are everywhere.  I’m on my back and my arms are out to both sides—your hands entwined in mine: strong, electric. The push and pull, give and take, control and submission ignites a passion I haven’t experienced in years. I force you onto your back and kiss you deeply, biting softly, sucking your lower lip, tugging at your lip ring playfully.  I pull you up so I’m straddling your lap and arch my back and you bury your face in my tits. My nipples are so hard. But it is my clit that throbs with need and as I lie all the way back you work your way down my body with a tongue that doesn’t stop.

Now you are exactly where I need you and my clit jumps at the first expert touch of your tongue. “Turn around. Turn around.” I want you in my mouth at the same time. I want to bury my face in your sweet Holy Grail. I can’t get enough of you and you’ve got my clit in your teeth and at least three fingers in my cunt. Everything is so fast and I’m moaning deep into you, creating a hum that reverberates off the walls inside you. I want to control it —I want it to last forever—but I can’t. I’ve got skyrockets going off in the deepest part of my body and it is reaching all the way down to my toes.  At the same time you shudder and buck against me and I drink you in as though I’ve been in the driest desert for 40 years.

But you aren’t done. I know your need to control and while I don’t easily give over to submission I don’t protest as you quickly slip into your leather harness and strap-on while flipping me over onto my stomach. I instinctively arch my back—my ass in the air as I shiver in anticipation of your penetration. You enter deeply as you pull on my still damp hair and I moan and push back against you. Your thrusting is fast and wild and I can’t tell where I end and you begin anymore. You tease me by slowing down and then making me beg you to fuck me harder. I hear your own groans join mine and together we collapse in a sweaty, heavy-breathing heap to the floor. We roll over laughing.

“So,” you say, “nice to finally meet you.”