Scintillectually Yours

Remember when I said I was on hiatus from relationships? Well, I lied. I know, I know! I can hear my friends railing now about the fact that I jump into things too quickly and yes, she has already moved in with me. But, really, I do think she’s THE ONE. Before you get all hot and bothered, let me introduce you. Dear reader, this is
LELO Elise. Elise, this is dear reader. Elise was introduced to me by my fabulous friends at TabuToys. Our first meeting was a blind date, as I had never had any experience with a product from LELO before, but I must say, no matter how this relationship works out in the long run, I’m very excited for the opportunity to meet some of her ultrasexy friends!

She showed up one day in a knockout little black box. So classy. Gingerly I took her top off and discovered a little black satin number to keep her warm when she isn’t sharing my bed. Then, I turned my attention to my lovely Elise vibrator. 7.25″ tall with a 1.5″ body and curves to die for. What a delicious purple color! I had a hard time controlling myself but I wanted to wait, we had time. Elise, it turns out, is no easy lay—she came to me with an instruction manual that rivals a new video game (giving a whole new meaning to the word “joystick”), a control pad that could launch the space shuttle, and a charger that I keep trying to plug my cell phone into! I could see the future and it has her name written all over it.

The first night we spent together was rather a “dry run.” As an artist, I am a highly visual person and I really do need some sort of foreplay even when I’m going solo. I felt this was a good way to get to know each other. There were intricacies involved with Elise that I had never encountered before. I mean, this baby had range! Once I got the hang of her multiple buttons, I found that we could start out soft and slow and build our way to soft and really going (a little kiss and tell: LELO Elise is NOT a talker. She’s very quiet in bed, but that’s okay, I do enough moaning for both of us). Then came the surprise—she has not one, but two motors—the little minx! One in the tip and one at the base means that she can create five different stimulation modes. My best comparison would be the shower massage where you can turn the shower head and get different pulsations going. I’m not going to get into great detail here, because a girl has to leave something up to the imagination, but I will tell you that I really loved the “choo-choo” method. Okay, so that’s not a LELO term or something from TabuToys. It’s a pet name for the vibration that rapidly cycles and feels and sounds for all the world like Amtrak’s Acela—smooth and fancy,but you know you are on a train headed for someplace exotic. Unfortunately, that particular night, I didn’t reach my destination. I washed her carefully, slipped her into her black satin pouch, and then tucked her into her box for the night.

Our next foray was a little afternoon delight. I prepared myself with an overpriced girl-on-girl action from On-Demand (I really do need to invest in some videos of my own—I don’t think Elise is going to spring for half my cable bill). We got going pretty hot and heavy. While Elise does everything but make my breakfast (actually I haven’t tried, she’d probably whip up some mean scrambled eggs with one of her many versatile moves) she sadly doesn’t have the really focused clitoral stimulation that I need. This isn’t her fault. I need serious “Hey baby, check out the gun show going on over here. BOOM BOOM! Firepower!” But with her curves? I sent her into the front line and let her work on my g-spot to her heart’s delight. This is where her real talent lies. That girl can fuck me into submission! With a little clitoral focus on my part and Elise working her magic on the inside, we were soon making beautiful music together and I was, no doubt, causing neighborhood dogs to join me in howling the praises of my new girlfriend. I’m still waiting for the elusive masturbation-produced ejaculation, but somehow I think that LELO Elise is just the woman for the job. A few more nights together and I could be happily ruining my 600 thread-count sheets. Until then, she gets a very hearty Oh yeah, baby! Sigh…I really do think this is a relationship that will last at least a year—because she came with a warranty. *grin*

Product Details:

• Made from FDA-approved and phthalate-free ABS/ silicone

• Rechargeable: a 2-hour charge provides up to 4 hours of bliss

• The clever locking feature allows you to hold the button for 3-4 seconds to prevent it from turning on unexpectedly!

Oh. Oh…uh huh… Ohhhh! Oh yeah, baby! YES! YES! YES!

This item was provided by TabuToys for my honest opinions. I am not paid for my reviews but I do get to keep the products.