I’m all about the g-spot. Seriously, folks, once I learned how to ejaculate it became an almost full-time obsession with me. I hardly wanted to do anything else. I craved that release like a drug. And then I stopped. Well, more to the point, I broke up with former HTB and I couldn’t do it anymore. It was as though the act was inexorably tied to him and I developed this mental block that I couldn’t break down. Learning how to ejaculate on my own, through masturbation, became my goal. Hence, anytime a g-spot toy was offered for review I was all over it. Then Babeland offered up the ultimate—the G-spot Kit. I couldn’t wait to get my hot little hands on it. Months ago. Literally.

The kit is actually just two items: the book, The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot, and the vibrator, the Orchid G. Let’s talk about the book.

Violet Blue, sex educator and best-selling author, has written a clear, concise instruction manual that best serves the g-spot novice. She discusses anatomy and includes drawings that are helpful in locating yours if you don’t already know where it is. There are some excellent tips on getting started, helpful positions, and a discussion about g-spot orgasms with and without ejaculation. I was, of course, most curious about squirting and how to start again. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already know but I kept hoping that if I just kept at the techniques, someday that block would get bulldozed away and I’d be gushing all over the place. What I really liked about the book was the little pieces of erotica, written by Alison Tyler, that dot the book and provide some relief from the instructional pace. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who has yet to experience the intense, very different sensation of a g-spot orgasm.

Now let’s move on to the Orchid G. It doesn’t look like much when you get it. It isn’t one of those fancy Lelo vibrators and, let’s face it, it’s cheap. It is made of plastic and is 8″ long with a bulbous end that is angled for perfect g-spot stimulation. Now I’ve read other reviews written by women who say they’ve had a difficult time with insertion. At 1 3/8″ at the widest point, this was not an issue for me at all. What is an issue for me, however, is that there is no real way of knowing which way the damn thing is pointing once it is inside. I know, I know, you think I could probably drive a Mac truck through my pussy. DPR can attest to the fact that that is definitely NOT the case. I’m as tight as a drum, thank you very much. However, once I add my own lubrication to my favorite Astroglide, it’s pretty slippery in there. This baby tends to turn and turn and turn and I spend a lot of time pulling it out to make sure it is heading in the right direction. For the longest time, I didn’t bother to add the batteries, thinking I didn’t need the vibrations in order to achieve ejaculation. And I was coming just fine…but alas, I wasn’t squirting.

I knew I was getting there, but a little more research was in order. After some internet searching, I learned that deep breathing combined with squeezing the PC muscles might just do the trick. And for good measure, I added the two AA batteries.

And guess what? A little knowledge goes a long way.

equals:

While the book is great for beginners, the Orchid G alone earns a solid

Oh.  Oh…uh huh… Ohhhh! Oh yeah, baby! YES! YES! YES!

Product Specifications:

The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot:

• Binding Style: Paperback
• Type: Sex Info/How-To
• Number of Pages: 160
• Copyright: 2007

The Orchid G:

• Size: 8″ (outer curve) x 1-3/8″ (widest point)
• Material: Plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Two AA

While Babeland does not pay me for my honest opinions, I do get to keep everything I review.

I have come to think of Lelo as the Cadillac of the sex toy market. Their products are always nested in gorgeous silken baggies, beautifully packaged in sleek black boxes that just beg you to leave them lying around looking luxurious. They are also expensive. The first Lelo toy that I was ever offered for review was the Elise. Having no prior experience with Lelo toys, I was bowled over when I went to look up her price tag—nearly $160! Sadly, she often sits, neglected, in my over-large toy box because I keep forgetting to charge her.

The Ella, on the other hand, needs no charging. In fact, she needs no batteries whatsoever! This is another first for me. I mean, a non-vibrating dildo that doesn’t come strapped to a lover! As we all know, I’ve been trying for nearly a year to achieve the elusive female ejaculation through masturbation, so every time I see a new g-spot toy up for grabs, I’m grabbin’ at it! The Ella arrived on my doorstep from Babeland, all gussied up and feeling full of promise. I figured I had probably found the one toy that could get that squirt on, right? Ummm…not so much. Sigh…

Yeah, here’s the thing…well, just read the sign for yourself. When I hit that sweet spot, I get really, really wet. Not squirting wet (another long, heavy sigh) but seriously slick just the same. Because of the way the Lelo Ella is shaped, her handle gets moist and often turns in the wrong direction while I’m in the midst of my “happy time.” So, I have to stop, pull it out, check the direction she’s pointing, and start over again. Really? I wish there were some sort of thumb grip or ridge to orient me…even a loud alarm that sounds whenever she veers off course.

All of that said, I’ve used her a few times on my own and once, very happily, with DPR coaching me through on the phone from 900 miles away. Trust me, when she works, she works…the oddly shaped head fits perfectly against my g-spot and trust me, I come! I have full-body vaginal orgasms that can make the earth quake…just haven’t let loose the mother lode yet.

I’m working on it…but Ella, I’m sad to say, isn’t up for the job. If you happen to be super-sensitive or have an easy time ejaculating, then she may well be for you. Oh, by the way, pair the Ella with the Onyé Fleur (you know, that bitch that gave me such a hard time with her batteries but has now become my total go-to larger bullet vibe for intense clitoral orgasms?) and you WILL have an amazing time.

Now, for your viewing pleasure…THIS is what I’m after. My idol: the oh-so-talented Cytherea. Enjoy!

I’m giving the Lelo Ella from Babeland a pretty decent Oooh! If she can make me do what you just watched? I’m upgrading this baby fast!

Oh. Oh…uh huh… Ohhhh! Oh yeah, baby! YES! YES! YES!

Product Specifications:

• Size: 7″ x 1-1/2″ at widest point
• Material: Silicon

*Please note, I do not get paid to provide my honest opinions of  Babeland’s products, but I do get to keep everything I review.

Step 1: Ooh and aah over the design and packaging of the Onyé Fleur vibrator sent by Babeland for review (notice the change in breathing as anticipation sets in).

Step 2: Voraciously rip open packaging to get at beautiful lilac bullet vibrator with its stunningly gorgeous textured grip. Yank three brand new AAA batteries out of drawer in kitchen while doing so.

Step 3: Locate directions and puzzle over them for approximately 20 minutes. Seriously.

Step 4: Try every possible combination of battery insertion. Open and close vibrator multiple times. Keep jamming finger in button at bottom hoping the damn thing turns on (note change in breathing is now in pure frustration).

Step 5: Throw batteries at the wall and throw Onyé Fleur into toybag and let it sit there for several days as punishment.

Step 6: Try again.

Step 7: Repeat Step 5.

Step 8: Contact Babeland. Receive additional instructions on inserting batteries.

Step 9: Try to locate the two orange dots to line up before closing vibrator. Decide there are a) no dots to be found, or b) I’m going blind.

Step 10: Repeat Step 5.

Step 11: Look up any and all reviews previously written for the Onyé Fleur. Have a jealous fit that all of THOSE women are enjoying multiple orgasms with their vibrators.

Step 12. Contact Babeland again and get information on returning the evidently defective merchandise.

Step 13. Pull Onyé Fleur out of toy bag to give it one last shot at battery insertion before returning the damn thing. Push top and bottom half together until they click audibly then turn slightly twice to the left and hit on button.

Step 14. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Step 15. Lay back and give this baby a new category of “Oh Fucking Finally!!!” while enjoying the hell out of the powerful little beauty.

Step 16. Use her often and well.

Step 17. Pray that her batteries last forever.

Product Description:

• Size: 4-1/2″ x 1-1/4”
• Material: Hard plastic
• Volume:
• Intensity:
• Batteries: Three AA

I do not get paid by Babeland for my honest opinions, but I do get to keep all of the products I am sent for review.

Pleasurists #61

January 18th, 2010

by Gene MagicPleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #60? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #62? Use our submission form and submit it before Sunday January 24th at 11:59pm PST. Be sure to read our submission guidelines.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Giftcard Giveaway! Deadline: January 22nd.
• A Tickler of Your Choice! Deadline: January 24th @ 10pm Pacific.
• Mona? Mona! Deadline: January 25th @ 11:59 Eastern.
• EZ Bend Vibrator Giveaway Deadline: January 31st @ 6pm Central.
• Evolved Vibrator Giveaway! Deadline: February 1st.
• Cupid’s Fun Factory Contest Deadline: February 10th @ 11:59pm.

Looking for something other than reviews?
e[lust] #5

Editor’s Pick

• Basic Essentials Softee by Undressed Reviews

• Marketing Guy 1:
  What do chicks love?

  Marketing Guy 2:
  My Dick!

  MG 1 & 2:
  WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH!

  MG 1:
  No seriously, though…they love pink…and….and….

  MG 2:
  My Dick!.

  Note: Seriously hilarious. If you like your reviews with a side of comedy and snark like I do this one is fantastic and may occasionally have you wondering wtf.

Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• LELO Ina by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter
• Thrusting Jack Rabbit by True Pleasures
• Chester Cheeky by Ginger Leigh
• Impulse 5 Hypersonic Wand by Joan Price
• Tongue Joy Turbo Pack by Red
• Power Breeze Bullet by Joan Price
• Wahl by Epiphora
• Sweet Stimulator by Mistress Kay
• LELO Gigi by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• MyPleasure Cosmetic Kit by Mistress Kay
• Lovemoiselle Cecile by Wilhelmina Wang
• Tantus Delta by namelesschaos
• JeJoue Gi-ki by Saraid
• She Devil by Sundae
• The Cone by Kristy

Dildos

• Fun Factory Wave by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Anal Toys

• Pop Plug Large by Darling Dove
• Crystal Chic Wand by Dr. Ruthie

Toys for Cocks

• Support Plus Extended Ring Head Exciter by Alley

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Pink water by Sarahbear
• AfterGlow Wipes by Scintillectual
• Afterglow Wipes by Cinnamon
• Body Essentials Kit by Beautiful Dreamer
• Pjur Med Clean Spray by Sexorcism

BDSM/Fetish

• Behind the Back Restraints by Cinnamon
• Hog Tie Set by Sammi
• Doc Johnson Bondage Rope by Mistress Kay
• Leather Paddle with Fleece by Mistress Kay
• Teddy Bear Spank-Her by Mistress Kay
• Adjustable Spreader Bar by J’s Alley

Adult Books

• Moregasm by Undressed Reviews
• Carrie’s Story by Mistress Kay

Adult Movies/Porn

• Girls Make Love by Garnet Joyce
• Women Seeking Women: Volume 50 by Thursday’s Child
• Roulette Dirty South by J.D. Bauchery
• Sun Valley Bareback by FrzKey
• Collin O’Neal’s World Of Men – Colombia by The Porn Librarian
• Hustlers Untrue Hollywood Stories Lindsay Lohan by J.D. Bauchery
• Foxy Nudes by FrzKey

Sex Furniture

• Fetish Fantasy Mini Position Master by True Pleasures

Storage

• For Your Nymphomation Adult Toybox by Kaijah

Sounds exciting, right? Yeah…that’s about the level of enthusiasm I was feeling when I accidentally received these from Babeland for review in place of this year’s Best Lesbian Erotica. While marvelous Max assured me that all would be well and I would be getting the book to review, I was asked if I would mind going ahead and doing a review of the AfterGlow anti-bacterial cleansing wipes in the meantime. Oh please, I thought, how in the world does one review baby wipes?

Okay, folks, this may not be a lengthy review, but let me tell you how utterly wrong I was about these babies! We all have our issues regarding safe sex practices and keeping our toys sterilized, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera… However, I’m going to let you in on a not-so-little secret. I nap in the afternoons. Almost every afternoon. I get up at the asscrack of dawn because I am a morning person by nature but around 1:30-ish I’m too pooped to party. Before said nap, I like to have a mind-splintering orgasm. I stop thinking about work and it puts me right to sleep. Unfortunately, because I like two (count them, two) toys at once (you know, an innie and an outie), I wake up to rather a mess. Let’s not even ruminate on the state of my panties afterward! All of that said (TMI, anyone?) I decided to haul out the package of 20 wipes that winged their way across the country to me by mistake and yowza! My toys cleaned up nice! I felt safe to put them back in the bag that goes under my bed without having to scald them in hot water and as for personal hygiene? I don’t have to go through two sets of undies a day anymore!

These handy-dandy little cleansing cloths are not only anti-bacterial, but they are aloe-infused as well. Very soft on my very soft parts. More than likely very soft on very hard parts as well. I now use them as a regular part of my afternoon delight and am thinking of ordering several sets and swiping an old Cottonelle wipes box so that they can sit on my nightstand. It’s kind of a pain to hang half off my bed and rummage around looking for them.

Although some thoughtful guy declared them great for wiping up between anal and vaginal intercourse (gee, at least he did that much), Babeland and I agree that condoms should be used on both flesh penises and silicone/vixskin/cyberskin/what-have-you-skin due to the bacteria that can be transferred in the process. Let’s also clarify that these are not to take place of some serious heavy-duty cleaning of one’s array of dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, and the like, but if you are thorough—they are wonderful for a one- or two-off cleaning when you are in a bit of a hurry.

Oh, did I mention that DPR raved about them as well while she was here? Really nice for cleaning up after a quickie. Not to mention a little extra hygiene before a trip down south, dont’cha know? So seriously? While I scoffed, poo-pooed, and generally guffawed at the thought of reviewing what I thought was tantamount to a small package of damp Kleenex, I am sold on adding at least one set of these to every order I place with Babeland.

So, hey Max! Thanks, buddy, I appreciate the mix-up. My little clean poonani and her toys are happier than ever! I’m giving the AfterGlow anti-bacterial wipes a good old fashioned “Ohhhh!”

Product details:

• Size: Single or 20-pack
• Ingredients: Water, Propylene Glycol, Aloe Barbadnesis Leaf Juice

Oh. Oh…uh huh… Ohhhh! Oh yeah, baby! YES! YES! YES!

This item was provided for my review by Babeland. I am not paid to review their products, but I do get to keep whatever they send me.