Scintillectually Yours

Would you rather…..

1.A relaxing vacation or an adventurous trip?
I haven’t done any real travel in a long, long time. Now that my son is getting older, it’s time to see the world. Although it is beautiful to walk along a Caribbean beach at sunset, I would SO rather be kayaking the Amazon or hanging out a jeep window with a zoom lens while leaving a dust trail in the Serengeti.

2. Get a perfect nights sleep or have amazing sex?
I would give up a perfect night’s sleep for amazing sex anytime. It’s why I nap!

3. Be intimate with the lights on or off?
So on. I am completely and unabashedly uninhibited during sex. I am also a voyeur and an exhibitionist. When I am not in bed (or having sex, be it on the kitchen table or *ahem* office floor *ahem*) I would prefer utter darkness and a bag over my head. Or body, rather.

4. Your S/O be a terrible kisser who could always make you orgasm or an amazing kisser who could never make you orgasm?
I can teach someone to get me to come…I cannot teach someone to kiss well. I spent six years with a woman who kissed like a Great Dane. Not anymore. Good thing I landed a fantastic kisser who makes me lose track of my orgasms. *smirk*

5. Date someone much younger or much older than you?
I really can’t answer this one. I truly prefer someone in my own age bracket. I can’t imagine dating someone much younger, although I’d considered a one time thing with a woman who was *MUCH* younger than me (as in, about 15 years or more) but much older? Not so much.

Bonus (as in optional):  Which reality show would you be good at?  Why?
Survivor is out of the question. I have severe hypoglycemia and would absolutely wind up in a coma before we even got to our campsite. I don’t sing well enough to be on American Idol (not to mention how old I am). I’m not fat enough to go on The Biggest Loser (dammit), and I’m not flighty or desperate enough to be on The Bachelor. I guess that leaves either Big Brother (which I would probably rock at since I’m good at the mental game) or The Amazing Race (which I would love just because I’d get to travel on their dime). In reality? Heh, my own LIFE would be an amazing show!

This time of year leaves precious little time to keep up with posting blogs on a regular basis. Did anyone notice I never got around to my MFM again last night? If you want to read about long distance relationships—the theme assigned to us by our dear Sweltering Celt this week—then go HERE. Hence, I perfectly understand how just getting the questions up there is daunting enough without having to edit someone’s grammar mistakes and spelling faux pas. Forgive the copy editor in me and let me have my holiday fun, okay?

1. What do present do you hope ends up under you tree?

Herewith, I do present you with my wish for the present that I hope ends up under my tree. Namely me, on all fours, with DPR fucking the life out of me doggy-style. That said, I desperately need a laptop as I am currently getting early “widow’s hump” from hunching over my desktop keyboard.
2. What is the “naughtiest” thing you have ever done under a Christmas tree?

Rule #1: there is rarely a good reason to put a word in quotation marks unless you are actually quoting someone or the word is clearly the author’s attempt to convey an idea in layman’s terms. I believe we all know exactly what “naughtiest” means (yes, that was a quote from Question #2). I suppose I’ll have to report on anything naughty (see answer to #1) happening under my tree after the holidays, meanwhile I leave you with this tidbit from my childhood. Every single Christmas for as long as I can remember (and well into my high school years), my sister and I would open our presents while our parents were out of the house and very carefully re-wrap them. Our general response was “Oh, look, another pocket umbrella,” or “Gee, socks.”

3. Do you prefer to give or receive?

Do I prefer to give or receive what? I am assuming the lack of designation is meant as a double entendre. In the gift-giving department I very much enjoy giving. I pride myself on being the perfect personal shopper and rarely come up with a dud present. I am not, however, good at keeping secrets, so I tend to hound friends and family into opening my favorite gifts to them before Christmas. If we are speaking of sex, I am an equal-opportunity partner. As I believe I have mentioned before, I am no pillow princess, so whatever you want, you shall have (within reason, of course).

4. What is your favorite part off a sexual partner’s body?

I truly hope that there is no part of my sexual partner’s (and I am so glad my partner is sexual as it would be fairly dull to answer questions about business partners on a sex blog) that has fallen off. All kidding aside, I love strong, muscular arms and shoulders (particularly biceps) and although I would never say never to falling in love with someone who had no arms, I rather prefer them as reciprocating hugs aren’t quite the same with legs (although they could be more interesting).
5. What is your favorite part your body – the one you hope a sexual partner will find or pay the most attention to?

I would be hard-pressed to think that there is any part of my body that my sexual partner could not find. I do possess three physical aspects that I like the most: my mouth, my eyes, and my breasts. They are hard to miss. Dare I point out the fact that this sentence ended with a preposition?

Bonus (as in optional): [Idea blatently stolen from Os and hist HNT wishes.] What Christmas wishes would you grant and to whom?

I will answer this question on Thursday, as I plan to play along with Osbasso’s theme for this week’s HNT. I do hope you will all forgive me my attempt at poking a little fun this morning as I face a long day of copy editing a book on cervical cancer. Playing with my TMI was far more fun! Now, I know all of my like-minded friends are going to jump in and start correcting my own responses. Have at it, sweethearts!

1. Which is more important of the two in “chemistry,” physical attractiveness or emotional attractiveness?
I really agree with Vixen on this one. I have to be drawn to someone physically first — I definitely have a “type” that I am attracted to — but for the long haul? An emotional connection is key. I think that has a lot to do with the reason my relationships up until this point haven’t worked. I jumped into them for the great sex without truly knowing the person, only to find out (even after 14 years in one case) that we really had nothing working in our favor on a truly intimate level (that level that has nothing to do with sex).

2. On a scale from 1-10, how kinky are you?
I used to think I was pretty kinky until I landed in the world of sex bloggers and became a member of Fetlife. Now I am starting to feel rather vanilla, indeed. There are definite things on my “don’t-do” list and the more I talk about what I do and don’t want in a long-term relationship (with extensive discussions on physical compatibility) the more I keep adding to it, rather than taking away. There are some things, like tantric sex, more “color on my cheeks” (so to speak), and rope play that I would like to explore, but there are things I’ve experienced in the past, like polyamory, that I don’t want to repeat. In summary (ahem) I am kinkier than some, less kinky than others. I’ll go with a 6.5 based on my past and the fact that I’m pretty open to trying anything that doesn’t involve blood, too much pain, or shit. (yeah, the literal kind). How’s that?

3. Sitting on Santa’s lap… fun or creepy?
Yeah, I don’t really see that. At least not in the costumed role play adult kind of way. However, if a certain someone wanted me to sit on her lap and whisper my wishes? Well…hmmm…I think she already knows what I wish for this year. *smiles*

4. Have you ever fallen asleep or passed out during sex?
Nope. I have been seriously damn tired before and still gone with it, but I always hold my own, thank you very much.

5. Do you wear socks to bed? Is that okay or totally unsexy?
This cracks me up! I was recently asked by someone near and dear if I still wear socks to bed…and I was at that very moment! Yes, when it is cold out (and I have a very large, very drafty bedroom with no heater in it) then you’d better believe I wear socks to bed. They’ll come off for two reasons in the winter: 1) I get too hot in the middle of the night, and 2) I’m not alone and it starts heating up before I get too hot in the middle of the night.

Bonus: What is your greatest strength? Weakness?
What am I interviewing for? Does it pay well?
Strength- I think my greatest strength probably lies in communication. Sadly, I have chosen partners who LOATHED communicating (those that excelled in the art of the silent treatment). I am very good at expressing my wants and needs and particularly good at listening to someone and truly “getting” them. Being able to be honest and open is crucial for me.
Weakness- Oh, procrastination, no doubt! I have a stack of things I need to get to and haven’t. I often find myself HERE when I should be working and, as with yesterday, I never got around to my MFM post which is highly unusual for me. I actually have a sign over my computer that says “If it weren’t for the last minute, I wouldn’t get anything done.”

Wow. This was really random.

1. What are your feelings about traditional bachelor/bachelorette parties?
I don’t really have any thoughts about them one way or the other. When I got married to my ex-wife it was in a terrible rush—we applied for our marriage license the day Massachusetts approved gay marriage. We had a tiny ceremony in a friend’s living room four days later. We divorced two years later (that’s rather off topic but just because you can doesn’t mean you should). When former HTB and I were planning our wedding it was assumed that we would have bachelor/bachelorette parties. We were planning a very large, formal, traditional wedding. So yeah, I guess I’d have gone through the whole white tee-shirt “future Mrs. HTB” thing with a bunch of giggling bridesmaids.

2. Do you wear (or not wear) something special to bed/dress differently when you want to have sex?
When I assume I am going to be having sex or there is the possibility of it, then yes…I do break out the sexy lingerie—for someone who enjoys me in it (and trust me, I enjoy being in it—I LOVE wearing sexy lingerie). However, former HTB always preferred me to be naked and ready and I think that then loses some of the romance involved in sex with a regular partner. When I am alone? It’s comfy pajamas all the way.

3. Do you ever fake orgasms?
I have in the past and yes, I’m very good at it. You may think you would know the difference—trust me, you don’t.

4. Do you own any leather or rubber clothing?
I own a leather motorcycle jacket. I own a rubber trench coat (which sounds rather pervy). That’s it. No leather bedroom wear, no rubber dresses. Doesn’t look that great on a woman my age and with my excess baggage.

5. On a scale from 1-10, how willing are you to do something in bed you don’t want to just because you are asked?
9. Unless it is on my very specific “don’t do” list—which I will lay out up front to anyone I am considering having sex with, I am pretty adventurous. However, outside of that “don’t do” list, I can’t really think of much I haven’t already done.

Bonus: Can men and women be “just friends?”
Of course. I have lots of male friends that I don’t sleep with or would ever consider sleeping with. My issue was always having female friends without some kind of sexual tension. Now that I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that I can have healthy adult friendships with other women without sex getting in the way. I love my BFF, just not like that.

It’s Tuesday and you know what that means: too much fucking information! Or…too fucking much information. Whatever. Anyhoo…the original version of this week’s meme can be found (along with the video answers by Dan Savage) at Professor Fate’s TMI Tuesday blog. Evidently, material is running low, so if you have any questions of your own you’d like answered, please e-mail them to prince[dot]hapnik[at]gmail[dot]com.

1. What are your thoughts on Polyamorous Relationships?
They are unbelievably fucking difficult (fucking seems to be the optimal word of the day, just go with it). Until I met HTB (who is no longer HTB but I can’t decide what to call him now. I’m sure I have some friends who would have some suggestions but since I happen to love the guy, I’m not willing to dub him “asshole” nor have to use that word liberally in my blog. Where was I? Oh yeah…) I had NEVER been in a monogamous relationship. Even in college I was sharing a bed with my then boyfriend and whichever girlfriend I happened to have. I lived in a trilationship with two women for two years. THAT sucked. I mean, we had fun together. We all shared a king-sized bed, a house, pets…but trying to deal with jealousy, insecurity, being the odd woman out on those predetermined nights of one-on-one time? Trying to get it up for one-on-one time since it WAS predetermined? Yeah, sucked. Hats off to anyone who can do it. Maybe NOT living together is the answer. I don’t know. What I do know (and this has been a serious tangential rambling) is that I doubt I will ever be poly again. Date more than one person? Maybe. Even that is stressful at my age (45, not 95, but that suddenly sounded as though I have one foot in the grave already). Hell, I just “want somebody to love, I…want somebody to love, I…” So sayeth Freddie Mercury.

2. What is on your list of relationship “deal breakers”?
I think we did this one a couple of weeks ago. Or, wait, that was the list of deal breakers that won’t get you a second date (and I’ve learned that I have many new deal breakers there but that’s not the question, is it?). Relationships…used to be that I really could tolerate a lot, probably because I got whatever I wanted so I made certain concessions where my partner(s) was concerned. I found a big one when I discovered a woman I let move in with me and take care of my kid while I was at work was an active junkie (heroin? Oxycontin?). For four months I never understood why she blacked out all the time but didn’t drink (see, I was only used to living with alcoholics). I threw her AND her kid (who came to live with us after Junkie got fired for sleeping on the job, go figure) out on Christmas day when I finally got clued in and fed up. Also…separate relationship…when the police get called in at 3 a.m. because they got a drunken call that I might be an axe murderer who has stuffed my fiance in the freezer? Definite deal breaker. Joke or no joke. Next.

3. How long did it take you you to find the type “you are into” and/or accept it?
As you can see from Question #2, I definitely have a “type.” And it isn’t necessarily that healthy. I am heavily attracted to seriously butch bois (or…well…FTMs now, but I didn’t know that when we met) with seriously cocky attitudes. Usually this goes hand-in-hand with some kind of addiction. Hence, the fact that my life is NEVER without its fair share of drama. I love passion, intensity, tattoos, biceps, a really good fuck, and…oh wait, I’m getting off-topic here. I’ve just recently come to accept it. I tried the *nice* route. The type of person who I *thought* should be my partner. Turns out…not so much. I still love my bad boy. Only, he’s kind of cleaned up his act…and that’s okay…he’s still a really good fuck.

4. What is your view on full disclosure about past relationships? (Lies of omission not lies of commission)
I don’t necessarily want to hear about your past relationships. For some reason, it’s begun to sound like bragging rights or I feel as though I’m being compared to women past. I say I’m not a jealous human being, but truth is? I am. I think I am the be-all and end-all as the woman you’d want in your life. Yes, I have that cocky streak, too. So why the fuck should you even remember your past relationships now that you’ve got me? Bwahahahaaaaaaaaaaa! Okay, really, they are over, done with, shut the fuck up about it and move on already.

5. Have you ever been in a situation where you were not comfortable complying with the adventurous request of a lover?
Once. If you dig into my past MFMs you’ll find one about fear. Here’s some TMI for you: I have been raped more than once. And when it happens as an adult, in a relationship, and you think you fucking know better? Not so great. And all because I couldn’t bring myself to slap her in the face. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a baseball bat and a few minutes alone with that cunt now.

From Vixen: In honor of Coquitten making #1, this weeks TMI is from her 100th post!~

1. I lost my virginity at 18, in the back of a car, on prom night. Where and when did you lose yours?
This isn’t a great story. I didn’t lose my virginity by choice. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?

2. I think my ass is my best sexual feature. What is yours?
I love my breasts. Truly. I’m going to be 45 in a few weeks and they are better, bigger, perkier, and bouncier than ever. I have fabulous cleavage. Did I say I love my breasts? I do. I love them.

3. A recurring theme in my fantasies is being slammed up against the wall. Do you have a recurring fantasy or a theme to your fantasies?
I have some control scenarios. But I am the one in control. Like being a principal or the CEO of a major corporation and getting to do totally naughty, slutty, nasty things to people and they do it just because they want to keep their jobs. Heh.

4. I love watching guys masturbate. Do you enjoy watching others (a partner or a stranger) masturbate?
Oh hell yes. One of my favorite memories that still gets me off was asking HTB (during a sex board game we were playing) to jack off for me. I got so fucking hot. Wow…the thought still works!

5. I hate when guys are quiet in bed. I like to hear you moaning as you cum. Do you like you partners quiet?
I’m loud enough for both of us. I like some dirty talk but I really can’t stand to be talked to the entire time. Sometimes I just want to say “shut up and fuck me already!”

Are you quiet?
yeah…see above.

6. I love playing with nipples. Do you having your nipples played with?
I used to hate it. They never responded. My sensation level has heightened considerably. I love having someone flick their tongue over them really quickly. Mmmm….

7. My ‘number’ is between 15 and 25. What is your ‘number’?
I lost count a very long time ago. Yes, I am a slut.

1a. You just gave yourself a body-shaking orgasm. How long do you have to wait before you can give yourself another body-shaking orgasm?

First off, ALL of my orgasms are body-shaking. Secondly, I am multiorgasmic which means I don’t have to wait at all unless I’m completely strung out and I only get that way when I squirt. Sadly, I have yet to master the art of doing that myself. Not that I haven’t tried! I am still in search of the perfect g-spot vibrator.

1b. You just gave yourself a body-shaking orgasm. What is the longest you can wait until you absolutely have to do it again?

Normally one is enough when I’m alone. So usually a couple of hours. Heh. Seriously, I’m a big fan of afternoon power naps since I wake up at the butt-crack of dawn to work (I’m a morning person) and I usually rub out a really good one just before I fall asleep.

2a. If you are good in this life, what will you come back as in your next life … if you come back as an animate being?

This question implies that I believe in reincarnation, which I don’t. Here’s TMI for a sex blog: I’m Christian and I do believe in eternal life. But, seeing as I am playing along, I’m going for a bit of a repeat from last week. A housecat. Because really? I would lick myself all day long.

2b. ….. if you come back as an inanimate being?

A lamp.

Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?

1) What are three mistakes someone could make on the first date with you that would automatically make you turn down a second date with them?

1. You drink too much. If you tell me you are a “social drinker,” then you’d better mean one or two glasses of wine once or twice a week. Social drinking doesn’t mean you get more outgoing when you are playing beer pong.
2. You are TOO nice. I need an edge. I can’t get myself UP for someone who is bland.
3. You’re shy. I have a big personality, you’d better be able to handle it and not fade into the wallpaper when I’m around.

2) Pick an animal that best displays your personality.
It sounds truly cliché but I AM a cat. Not one of those pampered, persian things…more like a short-haired, slightly feral sleek thing that swishes her tail around, pounces upon mice with a vengeance, and loves to take long naps!

3) If your S/O stopped having sex with you, how long would you stay?
I stayed an additional SEVEN years. ME!!! Can you imagine? Yep. Now? If I don’t get it once a week at least (and you know I’d rather once a day) then you can just pack your things and get to steppin’.

4) Are you more passive or aggressive when the relationship becomes physical?
I used to be a serious femme top, now I am an aggressive bottom. I’ll take it, but I like to take it on my terms and I’m not shy about directing the action.

5) Have you ever been INSIDE a store that sold adult themed toys and videos?
Many, many times. I like to embarrass my friends by flicking the heads on the dildos and taste-testing the flavored lube.

Bonus (as in optional): What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a “friends with benefits” relationship?
I know an awful lot of women who are in FWB relationships and do just fine. I do, think, however that they secretly yearn for more. I’ll say 40%.

How about men?
Let’s go at least 60% on that one. Most men I know would rather have their space and eat it too.

1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed… romance, experimentation or foreplay?
I need romance. Truly. I’ve got the sex thing and there’s been more than enough experimentation and foreplay. I need someone to sweep me off my feet rather than just assuming that I’m groveling at theirs.

2. What is your worst habit?
Procrastination. Just the fact that I get up before the birds to begin work and start my day off on this site should tell you that much!

3. Do you take compliments well?
I do say thank you now and I try to be graceful about it, but inside you’ll hear me shouting “what are you nuts? Do you really know me? Do you need glasses? WTF?”

4. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
I can’t help but think about the future. I’m almost 45 years old (like, seriously…in about a month!) and single again and no, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, thank you.

5. Do you feel everyone has a soulmate?
I used to think so. I wish that were the case. Now, not so sure…I have had a lot of truly fucked up relationships…looking to find “the one.” It would be nice to think that there is someone out there that is so extremely compatible for me that I could consider them my soulmate, but I don’t think I’ll ever truly find that. Intense love? Yes.

Bonus (as in optional): “Where Would You Wish To Wake Up?”
In bed, together, every morning.

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Blue-Eyed Vixen would like to remind us that TFT is up! Go check it out. The site is always looking for contributors. If you’ve thought about wanting to do it—there is no time like the present! If you have before but it’s been awhile- we miss you! All you have to do to help support our troops is EMAIL HER! Help boost some morale!

TMI Tuesday is brought to you by Vixen, Professor Fate, and Stealth. Today they celebrate the Fourth Anniversary of this delightful meme!

1. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest), how satisfied are you with your life?
Financially (3), I’m struggling like hell now that HTB has gone and I’m on my own in this ridiculously expensive apartment and exorbitant utility bills! On the plus side, I’m happier with myself than I’ve been in my entire life (9) and my romantic life ain’t doing too bad, either (8 and growing).

1a. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest), how satisfied are you with your sex life?
Oh, that’s easily been a 10 and will probably continue that way…I’ll let you know later today *lascivious grin*

2. What is the easiest way for you to reach orgasm?
Being with someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing!

3. What are 3 inevitable things about you?

1. I will always be high femme no matter what I’m wearing or how short my hair is.
2. I will always avoid housework until I have company coming over and am forced to acknowledge the lack of attention to the dust and grime.
3. I will forever find something physical about myself that I hate and whine about it to anyone who cares to listen (and most don’t).

4. What is your favorite sexual position? (yes you have to narrow it to one)
How do I possibly narrow this down to one? Okay…I’m a big fan of being bent over furniture.

4a. What is you least favorite sexual position?
I’m having a hard time with the one where I am positioned so that my ass is on the very edge of the bed…for some reason the intense pounding of a 7 or 8″ cock causes real pain in my lower abdomen. Not that much fun, I gotta say.

5. Favorite body part/parts of the opposite (or same) sex?
Both sexes: arms, shoulders, particularly biceps. Rock hard, protective, and sex incarnate.

6. Would you rather have your significant other (this can be a hypothetical SO) have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else? [You have to pick one.]
I suppose fall in love with someone else. Mainly because I know that’s impossible. Who could ever fall out of love with me? I mean, really.

7. When you have a “toe-curling” orgasm, do your toes curl up, or down?
I’m too caught up in what everything else in my body is feeling to worry about my freakin’ toes.

8. Name three words that:
a) get you excited
Fuck your Daddy (and you KNOW what I mean, NOT what it sounds like!)
b) make you squirm
God, you’re sexy
c) make you laugh
Sorry, I farted.

Bonus (as in optional): What is you most embarrassing sexual moment?
In bed with two women (my trilationship) and one of our cats climbed up on the bed and literally squirted diahrea all over me. Lucky you, I have never told anyone else that story.