Scintillectually Yours

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?

I lust for no one other than DPR. Seriously. I don’t say that because I don’t want to get in trouble with her, I just don’t think of anyone else that way. I’m sure she would totally get it if there were some celebrity crush I had (oh…say Matthew McConaughy or Kate Moennig?) because Lord knows I have to listen to her wax on and on and on and on and on and on and on about Pink and her core muscles and her next-to-nothing costumes. But, me jealous? Hah! Oh, sorry…got a tad off-subject there….next.

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?

Lord, these days it’s comfort food. Anything heavy with cheese or hollandaise sauce or gravy. No wonder I’m starting to waddle. Soon I’ll be one of those women whose feet are nowhere near each other but whose knees are touching. I’ll be wearing floral housedresses with a turkey leg in one hand, a box of chocolates under my sweaty armpit, and wielding the remote control like a weapon.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?

Her. I’ll be there in 3 days. THREE days!!! Then it won’t be food I’m a glutton for and I’ll be able to attempt to satiate my insatiable lust. *lascivious grin*

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?

Oh…that’s an easy one…and not terribly exciting but isn’t that what sloth is all about? If it’s cold and rainy it would be a down comforter, my big chair, a good book, and a couple of movies. I might actually attempt to make some popcorn at some point but turning the microwave on might be too much work. If it’s warm, a hammock, a good book, a nap with my honey, and an iced green tea/lemonade would be idyllic.

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.

Moi? Sweet l’il ole me??? C’mon, really? Okay, here’s the scoop. I’m not a verbal person…but my pen is far mightier than the sword. When I open a can of whoop ass on someone it is generally in writing. I’ve been known to let loose with a huge stream of verbal vomit but usually I binge and purge on paper…or keyboard, as it were. Ironically, THE single nastiest piece of writing I ever did was title Seven Deadly Sins and I absolutely let loose all of the anger, frustration, and utter disgust and contempt I had for the woman who had moved in with me the day after meeting me (obviously I have to take some blame in this situation and I do castigate myself freely for it), was actively using heroin and oxycontin and I didn’t know it (naive, I know…I only know alcoholic behaviors…somehow I thought it was natural for people to pass out during conversations in the middle of the day), stole my belongings and raped me with a shattered wine bottle. Clearly, simply writing probably wasn’t enough. But it helped a bit.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?

Anyone who’s thin. I’m having really harsh body image issues right now. I’m in a vicious cycle of hating myself but not having the dedication or motivation to get off my fat arse and do anything about it. I’m 70 lbs heavier than I was when DPR and I were together in college. It’s fairly humiliating. And yet, she loves me anyway. Go figure.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?

I‘ve swallowed my pride more times than I can count. Several years ago I tanked my job after my wife left me alone with a 5-year-old and a $1300 a month rent and found myself sitting in a plastic chair waiting to fill out the paperwork for $415 a month in welfare benefits. That’s how former HTB and I came to live together. One of the darker moments of my life.

And yet? I’m proud of myself for doing whatever I have to do to give my kid the necessities in life. Not just a roof over his head and food on his plate, but a chance at a really good life. No matter the guilt I feel for all of the change I’ve put him through, I am still proud of the fact that he’s turning out to be a pretty great kid with a positive spirit, leadership qualities, and a good moral compass. Yeah, I’m proud of myself for that one.